FRIDAY FLASH FICTION: Not Moving On


http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/2012/05/23/photo-prompt-for-100-word-flash-fridayfictioneers-31/

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My story is drawn from the belief that some cultures have that moths and butterflies are souls that for some reason either can’t or won’t move on.

NOT MOVING ON.
 
“What brings you here?”
“High blood pressure, a total blockage of the heart and they got my order wrong. What happened to you?”
A flutter of wings.
“Oh, a mixed up order,  an irate customer and a nine millimeter.”
A flash of eyes and a bird startles away.
“Ouch!”
“Yeah, I’m not worried though. Tonight I go into the light!”
“Wow! Good luck with that! Just be careful of the blue ones. I am going to wait for them to get my order right.”
“Ha! Good luck with that!”

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Categories: Interviews | 34 Comments

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34 thoughts on “FRIDAY FLASH FICTION: Not Moving On

  1. Lora Mitchell

    I like your theory that moths and butterflies are souls that can’t or won’t move on. The 2nd line gave me a chuckle….: high blood pressure, total blockage and he’s ordering fast food. My only critique…I had to read a few times to sort out who was speaking when. Perhaps it would help if you wrote the dialogue in play script form. Also..the flash of eyes… confused me. Other than that…a terrific take on the prompt. Here’s mine:
    http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

    • I will put it inline. Thanks. If you look these particular moths you will find they have spots called eyes, that work to frighten away predators.

  2. Soo funny. Great tone to the piece.

  3. so he didn’t really go into the light then huh?

    http://writersclubkl.wordpress.com

  4. A touch of dark humour, good one. What a great idea, that moths are souls stuck here, and connecting it to McDonalds, very good indeed. My two stories, Invasion and Delusion, are at http://repuestodelatabla.wordpress.com/

  5. I read your prelude but hadn’t yet processed it until I reach “Tonight I go into the light” and then your simple conversation became something heavier, but it also caries sprinkles of humor. Nicely done.

    http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/

  6. TheOthers1

    Lol. I mean, it’s not good to laugh considering the overarching them, but this made me chuckle. Watch out for the blue lights especially.

    My attempt: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/05/24/chasing-the-divine/

  7. I enjoyed yours – and like the references to the location subtly woven in.

  8. So funny! I love the conversation and the warning to stay away from the blue lights!

    thanks for visiting my place 🙂

  9. This made intersting reading, Amanda, with a little bit of mythi thrown in. Mine is here: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/05/25/fridayfictioneers-preying-mantis/

  10. Delightful read. I do imagine mistaking the bug zapper for the portal to the afterlife could be problematic. Really enjoyed this one.

  11. Love this. “Tonight I go into the light.” Brilliant! thanks for coming and commenting on my story earlier.

  12. McDonalds and fast food provide such rich pickings for the prompts and I love the link between why someone died and waited as a moth to ascend to heaven and the order they had placed at McD’s .. brilliant.

    Here’s mine too: http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/05/25/fairys-through-the-window/

  13. Those blue lights…Nice touch! I also went with the soul theory, somewhat.

    Here’s mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/05/25/friday-fictioneer-perspective/

  14. I like your take on the moths. Souls that won’t go away.
    Humorous dialogue.

    Here’s mine: http://logo-ligi.com/2012/05/25/mothballs/

  15. Gray Toast

    Ah, the sense of humor with something so macabre is very awesome! Its like Tim Burton and Mark Twain put together. I love your reference to old tales.

  16. That was really funny. I like the casual tone of how these two ended up reincarnated. Very clever and it made me really laugh. I love the tone here. Mine: http://remakingme-atiyatownes.blogspot.com/2012/05/friday-flash-fiction-best-hubby-ever.html

  17. The story brought chuckle to my throat…enjoyed the conversation in the piece. Great work, if you could develop a longer story along and sustain the tone

  18. Very funny. I wouldn’t have thought of going with reincarnation with this prompt. What a depressing fate! Mine’s here: http://stonesoupnovelist.com/2012/05/24/a-scene-from-the-novel-the-alchemists-tower/

  19. AHAHAHAHAHA! Great take but also, great, easy to read dialogue. ‘Tonight I go into the light’ was sketch comedy at its best. Woot!

    Kathy
    http://notforallmarkets.wordpress.com/2012/05/25/beauty-in-truth/

  20. Brandon Scott

    Blue light… hilarious! Good stuff!

  21. That was awesome! Cracked me up. Well done! I love how one is going to fly into the light….hehe… http://theforgottenwife.com/2012/05/25/friday-fictioneers-52512/

  22. Madison Woods

    I liked that, and liked the playing on legend that moths are souls that can’t or won’t move on. Loved the warning to avoid the blue lights – did you mean it to warn him about the bug zappers? How fitting that moths would be attracted to light, and the after-death experience also talks about going into the light.

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